Sound crazy…?  Not really… some of you may have heard the recent news about the possibility of government agencies stepping in to take extremely overweight children away from their parents…

Yep, a recent article on MSNBC entitled Should parents lose custody of super obese kids? talks about how a growing number of folks, including some established doctors, say putting children temporarily in foster care can be more ethical than having them subjected to obesity surgery…

…in other words, they’re arguing that the government should be allowed to remove obese children from their homes…

I don’t know about this, guys… any time you talk about the state taking children from homes, it is a serious issue… especially in our community where we are already justifiably concerned about efforts to break up the black family…

Still, the discussion does raise some interesting questions, like, Who is ultimately responsible for the eating habits and related health of overweight children? And, If the parents are held liable or accountable, what type of measures or actions are appropriate?

Well, let’s first look at the scale of the problem in our community… roughly a quarter of African American children and adolescents in the United States between 6 and 17 have been identified as overweight… and unfortunately, poor dietary practices and health habits are often passed down from generation to generation…

…and this can lead to type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high levels of blood fats and high cholesterol which, in turn, are all risk factors for heart disease and stroke, much more common in our community…

…and such obesity-related diseases have some doctors promoting weight-loss surgery for severely obese teens while others feel state intervention is necessary…

One doctor had a 90-pound, 3-year-old girl brought into his clinic briefly only to return at age 12, weighing 400 pounds and suffering from diabetes, high blood pressure and sleep apnea… Her parents were poor, had physical disabilities, and obvious difficulty controlling her weight…

The girl was removed from the home and placed in foster care where she received three balanced meals a day and moderate physical activity… After a year, though still obese, she lost 130 pounds and her diabetes and apnea disappeared…

Now, for me, it still doesn’t quite justify taking children from their homes… obviously the parents were dealing with some serious issues themselves and could have likely used some help and education on how to take care of their daughter…

I mean, couldn’t the same or less money be spent by the state to have someone counsel or assist the family in nutrition a few times a week at home as opposed to the amount spent on keeping her in foster care…? You think?

Okay, enough said. Time for you to weigh in and let us know what you think about this – shall we say – weighty issue… Text us here at 64-64-64 and tell us if you believe that: 1) super obese children should be taken from their parents; or 2) the children should stay, but with mandatory family nutrition counseling; or 3) the parents should be punished by locking them in a room for 24 hours with a large screen TV with surround-sound looping last week’s Republican presidential debate; or 4) tell us your own idea on how to best handle super-obese children…

Think about it… imagine these are your children or relatives…We want to hear from you…

I’ll close with this Lee Haney quote:

“More than ever, we as parents and a nation must do something about the growth of obesity in our children. We must do more than just talk, we must be concerned enough to act.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

Of course, there are the recent allegations against presidential candidate Herman Cain…

… but even worse are the unfolding events at Penn State, where college football icon, Joe Paterno, was recently fired after 46 years of coaching …

You know, Tom, over the past three years on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, I’ve talked about a wide variety of subjects…and some of them have been very difficult …

But one of the most difficult topics for me to talk about is the sexual abuse of a child… the allegation that an adult would violate the innocence of a child in that way is sick and disgusting…

…and yes, although Coach Paterno apparently didn’t break any laws and did the minimum required in reporting the abuse, he should still be held fully accountable for not doing more to protect and advocate for that particular child, as well as for all of the past and potential young victims of Sandusky…

…and his conscience should haunt him for the remainder of his days for not doing so…

But, that said, I also want us to recognize that, while this particular case is now in the public eye, what about the countless other incidents involving the sexual abuse of minors that occur each and every day in this country and go unreported? Who is speaking up for these children…?

It is commonly known among health professionals that sexual abuse often has long term and devastating effects on the victim, including a loss of trust, poor self esteem, feelings of shame, guilt and depression, substance abuse, suicide, promiscuity, anxiety, and criminality…

A National Institute of Justice study found that childhood abuse increased the odds of future delinquency and criminality by 40%… In addition, victims of child sexual abuse are 27 times more likely to be arrested for prostitution as adults…

So if nothing is done about it, this horrific cycle continues with the very real possibility of those being abused becoming abusers or criminals themselves… To learn more about child sexual abuse and how to prevent it and break this cycle, you can go to stopitnow.org…

Now, I’m sure many of you remember the powerful movie directed by Denzel Washington awhile back named Antwone Fisher, in which the movie’s namesake was victimized by sexual abuse as a young boy…

Well, I’d like to close this week with an excerpt from the poem Fisher wrote that, speaks of the suffering, pain, and stigma of lost innocence, of stolen childhoods, as a result of the sexual abuse of children across the world…

Who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and all alone
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own

Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep
Who will cry for the little boy?
He never had for keeps…

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died again and again.

Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be
Who will cry for the little boy
who cries inside of me.

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

The coach at Fenger High School turned himself in to police and was charged with assault after bringing more than 20 students to the home of 16-year old Darion Jones, where they violently beat him in front of his mother while an asst. coach stood by and watched…

Among his injuries, Jones sustained damage to his prosthetic eye and had a tooth knocked out…

I bring this incident up today, not only because it is so horrible, but also because as many of you may recall Fenger High was in the news two years ago for another tragic beating…

Yes, this is the same Fenger High School attended by the late Derrion Albert where, in September of 2009, the brutal killing of this 16-year-old was caught on video as he was beaten, kicked and smacked with railroad ties about a half-mile from the school…

Albert was an innocent honor student caught in a conflict between two rival neighborhood factions who would bully, harass and target students as they walked to and from Fenger High…

I also bring these incidents up today, because October is Bullying Prevention Awareness Month… There are a number of events that have been going on this month as part of the national discussion on bullying…

As you know, bullying can come in many forms: verbal, physical, or even via the Internet… It affects the victim’s self-image, relationships, health, and even their school performance; dropout rates and absences among victims of bullying are much higher than among other students…

…and the bullies themselves can also be negatively impacted… Studies show that children identified as bullies by age eight are six times more likely to have a criminal conviction by age 24; and they are more prone to becoming child and spouse abusers later in life….

You can get more info on bullying and how to prevent it in your community, by going online to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network at nctsn.org and click on the Bullying Prevention Awareness Month tag…

A good amount of press has been devoted to the issue of bullying …

A recent article in particular, written by a brother who writes for the NY Times, Charles M. Blow, powerfully personalizes the terror of bullying…

Blow tells how he considered taking his own life outside of a skating rink when he was eight years old… He’d been the victim of ongoing bullying and was suffering from associated headaches, and was standing outside of the rink with a bottle of aspirin debating whether to take two for the headache or swallow the entire bottle…

He writes poignantly about how his mother used to love to sing and how he recalled her voice and her songs at the moment he would have taken his life, and how her gift of song saved him…

He writes about how his mother’s singing would lull him to sleep during those difficult times, times he never told her about, as he penned these words:

“Bullying isn’t just a harmless game. It can be a deadly one, and we need to be reminded of that constantly. You never know how your words are affecting another person. Sometimes they don’t tell. I never told.

Like many children, I suffered in silence. I never even told my mother, and I am only here to share my gift with you because she coaxed me to sleep with a gift she didn’t believe she had.

So, Mama, when you read this, I want you to sing.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

Apparently it touched a nerve in our listening community. We got a lot of feedback here on the topic, most agreeing that we have to be more proactive and creative in our thinking to keep income coming in the doors these days…

Well, I read an article in The Root last week that focused on one of the side effects of the current lack of jobs in this country, namely how many adults are now living back at home with their parents…

That’s right, Jay, the nest ain’t empty no more… the U.S. Census Bureau recently revealed that 5.9 million Americans between the ages of 25 and 34, or 14.2%, are living with their parents… a 26% increase since 2007…

On top of that, a good number of these folks are college graduates…

So grown folks living at home with Mom and Dad is a reality… Let’s think about that for a minute… What are the implications? And what does it say about the state of our society?

Well, first off–and the article mentions this–it certainly doesn’t do much for the self-esteem of those trying to make their way in the world…and get AWAY from their parents.

A number of these young adults battle with the psychological effects that can accompany that kind of setback, such as depression and thoughts of being “a failure”…

Of course, I’m not referring to those professional moochers who are not trying at all to leave the free room and board mommy and daddy provide… that’s a whole ‘nother commentary…

There’s also the dilemma for parents regarding the fine line they navigate between being welcoming and encouraging versus instilling discipline and independence…

While you certainly want to keep your returning house mates motivated about making their own way, you probably don’t want to keep bringing up their lack of independence, since it can greatly add to their stress and make the arrangements more difficult for everyone…

But that doesn’t mean that you don’t clarify a process that can work for all involved… For example, some parents have their adult children pay a minimal amount of rent to establish boundaries and let them know this is not a “free ride…”

Some may set a time limit on the living arrangement, and if necessary, even set an extension period… Others may keep strict rules that keep their adult children eager to establish their independence, like no freaky stuff allowed with their significant others while under their parents’ roof…

…for some reason that one usually works pretty well as a motivator…

Whatever the case, the idea is to clearly establish a process that let’s your grown children know they can’t take advantage of your hospitality, but that they are welcome during their transition…

…and most of all, talk to and encourage your children during these difficult economic times we are in… They really need to know that you are not against them when it sometimes may seem that the whole world is…

…and to tell you the truth, when it comes to the state of our society these days, there are many that believe that it is failing our youth rather than the other way around…

You can text us here at the TJMS if you want to comment on this issue of your grown children returning home to live with their parents… In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this amusing quote on the subject of  parents and children:

“Listening to parents’ advice is sort of like watching commercials. You know what’s coming, you’ve heard it all before, it’s a big bore, but you listen anyway.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

I’ve said it before, and, in the aftermath of the much publicized cheating scandals in Atlanta, DC and elsewhere, I’ll say it again…

Bad policy brings bad results… No Child Left Behind was bad policy under the Bush administration and it continues to be bad policy…

To be clear, when I criticize this federal education policy, I am not criticizing “testing” itself… We all have to take tests in life and, when done wisely and fairly, they can promote learning, achievement, good results, and yes, even accountability…

But high-stakes testing is when you impose severe consequences for failing one big exam, like keeping students from moving to the next grade or graduating based on a single test…

No Child Left Behind creates an unhealthy and counterproductive dependence on high-stakes testing and the cheating scandals are yet another result…

…and no, don’t get it twisted… I am not condoning cheating in any sense, and I am appalled by the scandals that have surfaced …

But given the high pressure, the random and inequitable blanket standards applied to schools under NCLB, I am certainly not surprised by these scandals…

…not to mention the numerous  problems with state testing systems including the tests scores of entire school districts being tossed out because either too many students passed or failed; tests not being aligned to what teachers teach; inaccurate test questions; scoring mistakes; and parents being denied the right to review their child’s test…

It’s a mess, and these policies disproportionately affect children of color, who are more likely to be poor and in schools where teachers do nothing more than “teach to the test,” a problem highlighted by President Obama himself…

Wealthier public schools spend less time worrying about testing and more time on quality education because many advantaged students already test well; But poor children in under-funded schools get little more than test coaching, given the primary focus is on test results…

The consequences for schools that don’t test well are pretty severe in states across the country including a loss of funding, takeover by the state, school closure, teacher dismissals, and public labeling as a “failed school…”

Whatever happened to taking children, regardless of what limitations or inequities they come to school with, and really teaching them so they can learn?

So I ask the question: Who’s cheating whom…? Sounds like our students, especially African American ones, are being cheated before they even pick up their pencils…

In a recent article in USA Today, Robert Schaeffer, head of the National Center for Fair & Open Testing, promoted holding students, teachers and schools accountable with an assessment system that encourages learning not cheating, with core measures focused on the academic work students do in class, not one-shot, remote tests…

Schaeffer contends evidence of learning should include the essays students write, projects they complete, academic growth, and, yes, regular, fair and effective classroom tests… Real radical stuff, huh?

But you see, if they were to do this then all of those big testing companies would no longer make the insane profits off of our children; and all those “accountability” pushers and tough-sounding politicians would lose their platform…

… to learn more about more appropriate approaches to educating & testing children, go to fairtest.org… I’ll post on my Facebook page as well…

I’ll leave you with this quote from my friend, the late Senator Paul Wellstone… He once said:

“Far from improving education, high-stakes testing marks a major retreat from fairness, from accuracy, from quality, and from equity.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

But, think of how much more tragic and painful it must be for very young children who lose their parents… For children, parents are a security blanket, loving guides who interpret and help navigate the often confusing and less-than-friendly world…

Three years ago, 35 year-old Maleikka Hardy Williams realized her own children would likely face that daunting challenge… Williams –a leadership development professional, a former University of North Carolina Homecoming Queen, and a dedicated wife and mother of two young daughters– had been diagnosed with breast cancer…

She knew she was fighting for her life… but more significant than facing her own possible death was her concern for her little girls…

Williams agonized over the fact that she might not be there to hold their hands, tuck them into bed, hug them, and guide them into adulthood… She wanted her children to be okay, as any mother would…

Close friend, Renee Alexander-Craft–a poet, author and professor at UNC–watched Williams and her family battle with her illness… Williams and Alexander-Craft were longtime friends and schoolmates who were similar in many ways – similar hometowns, ages, colleges, successes and friendships…

But tragically, on April 14, 2008, these parallels ended as Maleikka Hardy Williams died of cancer at the young age of 35…

Her friend Alexander-Craft suffered a sense of profound loss… She spent sleepless nights wondering how William’s children would cope without their beloved mother…

Motivated by this, and by her childhood memories of losing her own grandmother, Alexander-Craft put her energies into developing a book for children dealing with loss and grief…

I WILL LOVE YOU EVERYWHERE ALWAYS is intended as a comforting reminder that the ones we love never truly leave us, and as a means to help children face their feelings and fears surrounding death…

It’s a book about the everyday places and events we can look to feel the enduring presence of the loved ones that have passed on, or as the author so eloquently puts it, in “a sibling’s smile, the smell of Sunday pancakes, or in the taste of snow cream…”

Alexander-Craft has joined with illustrator Cosmo Whyte to launch a campaign around the book …

The goal is to raise an initial $6000 to go toward the final development, publishing, promotion and distribution of I WILL LOVE YOU EVERYWHERE ALWAYS… about half of this has been raised so far…

Essential to the effort is the fact that the funds will allow the book to be made available to a variety of caregivers–schools, hospitals, hospice, and other organizations offering support services to those dealing with terminal illness– as an additional resource to guide children through the process of loss and healing…

For those of you who would like to offer your support to the campaign, or find out more about the book’s upcoming availability, there is a site devoted to such campaigns called indiegogo.com…

You can go there, and in the search engine just type in the words “Love Always” and the campaign will come up… OR you can go to Facebook and type in “I Will Love You Everywhere Always” for more info…

I’ll leave you with the words of the author, a poignant reminder that our loved ones never really leave us:

“I’ll hug you every time the wind blows, I’ll kiss your eyelids every time your eyes close…

…when you dance or sing or speak onstage, and bow to look your daddy’s way,

I’ll be the so-big smile on his mouth, I’ll be your Granny’s laughter and your best friend’s cheers and shouts;

Oh, baby, what I am trying to say

is that I will never leave you, I will love you everywhere…always.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

You know, Tom, generations are seldom on the same page. Young folks and old folks have fundamentally different ways of looking at the world…

They always have and, perhaps always will…

Now older people may be a bit more conservative, established and traditional in their approach to life, young folks are, as one might expect, likely to have less reverence and respect for rules, traditions and standards…

And that’s natural…I get that…

But Tom, what I’m not trying to get is how far MTV has gone with this new show Skins that folks have been talking about, the one featuring the sexual and drug-fueled exploits of misfit teenagers…

You may have seen some of the crazy ads for the show that have these drugged-out looking teens with barely any clothes on layin’ up on top of each other…

The show is causing quite a bit of controversy… H&R Block, Wrigley, General Motors, and Taco Bell all recently pulled their ads from Skins because of its racy content and promotion and the it’s been targeted for possibly running afoul of federal child pornography laws…

Last week, under fire, an MTV spokesperson attempted to justify the show and its content by claiming,“this show addresses real-world issues confronting teens in a frank way…”

Spare me… I’m not so naïve that I don’t understand far too many teens are sexually active or addicted to drugs… these issues are unfortunately all too real in our communities…

But pleeezzzzz… don’t try to sell me some crap about how this show is in some way constructive to teen life when you’re straight up pimpin’ this vehicle for shock value, demographics, money and ratings…

Here’s my analogy, Tom: It’s not that car wrecks don’t happen… They do…

But I have a problem with anyone who glorifies those wrecks and, in the process, sends the message to our teens that crashing cars is not only attractive, but it’s what you teenagers do…

Skins are the wrecks…

This show is so wrong in so many ways, Sybil, its insane… First, its not Reality TV, the show is scripted so, again, spare me the “dealing with real-world issues” routine…

Second–in case you didn’t hear me the first time–Skins recently had to tone down its content since it risked violating federal child pornography laws…

…and that’s because the show, which carries a TV-MA label and is supposedly intended for ages 18 & above –wink, wink–employs a bunch of actors who are, guess what Jay…?

That’s right… the actors are minors themselves… In fact, the youngest in the cast is 15… incredible…

Third, according to the Nielsen Company, in its opening episode, Skins –the show allegedly not intended for minors–drew 1.2 million people –younger than 18…

The Parents Television Council, a watchdog group, called Skins the “most dangerous program that has ever been foisted on your children…”

And while there is little black youth representation on the screen as far as the cast goes, there will be a bunch of black youth watching the screen given the show is on MTV and is being widely promoted by Viacom, the company that owns MTV and BET…

There’s a bunch of data out there telling us that, unfortunately, poor African American children watch more TV than their peers…

So this is problematic on a number of fronts…

And as a parent, an educator and a commentator, I’m not with it… I personally think we need to shed the Skins…

If you’re interested in speaking out against this show, you can go to viacom.com and scroll to the bottom for their contact link…

Or you can link up with the Parents Television Council at parentstv.org to find out about additional steps you can take…

And we need to spend more time with our children getting their perspectives – and sharing our own – on shows like Skins…

I leave you with this quote from the National Commission on Causes and Prevention of Violence concerning the influence of television…

“Children are inclined to learn from television because it is never too busy to talk to them, and it never has to brush them aside…”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

Tom, you’ve often heard me use this weekly platform to talk about issues concerning children…

After all, as parents, a large part of our lives are devoted to the beautiful, challenging, and rewarding art of raising children…

We feed them when they’re hungry, nurse them back to health when they’re sick, hug and protect them when they’re scared or hurt, and tuck them into bed when they’re tired… (even though they somehow end up in our bed by the morning…)

Now, Sybil, because life and relationships certainly have their challenges, parents don’t always see eye to eye, and they may, unfortunately, split up, separate, or even divorce…

And if the parents can’t see through their own emotional issues and pain to recognize that the children simply want, and still deserve both parents in their lives, there’s gonna to be trouble…

That said, let me tell you about a parent, a father by the name of Tewodross Melchishua…also known as ‘Tee”

Tewodross is a talented brother living in the DC area who is an independent film producer, artist, designer, animator, and professor at Bowie State (let’s hear it for the HBCUs)…

He loves all five of his children ranging in age from 3 to 17 including two sets of TWINS from a previous marriage.

In the late 90s, after his first marriage didn’t work out, Tee and his ex-wife shared joint custody of their twins – 2 boys and 2 girls.

One day, in 2000, he went to pick up his then 6 and 7 year old children from their mother for the weekend, as he always did, and they simply weren’t there…

Did you hear what I just said, Tom…? They were GONE… The mother had disappeared… to Egypt!!!!!!

I can’t even begin to imagine, as a mom, how that must have felt…?

For the past ten years –that’s right, I said ten– Tee has done everything in his power to first locate his children and then reunite with them…

He finally got a telephone and email address for his ex-wife . . . before she took the children and relocated again to yet another country!

He found her again and ultimately convinced the mother to allow the teenage sets of twins to travel to the United States alone to visit their father…

So Sybil, believe it or not, we’re still hoping for a relatively happy ending here …

But this is just one father’s story. The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children estimates that over 1000 family abductions occur in the United States every day…

And international family abductions – where a parent or relative kidnaps a child and takes them to a different country—occur, on average, a reported 16,000 times a year and often leave the “Chasing Parent” with huge emotional and financial burden…

The main problem is that many of these countries simply REFUSE to return these American children back to the United States.

Sometimes, as in Tee’s case there is a difference of religion; sometimes as in the recent high-profile cases in Brazil and Japan, no reason is given.  Amazingly, this is also the case even where the country is a friend or ally of the United States, and even where the country has signed the Hague Convention, the international treaty designed to protect children from these abductions.

You can get more information on parental abductions at missingkids.com.

You know Tom, I’ve occasionally heard people without children wonder why anyone would want to bring a child into this sometimes cruel and unpredictable world…

Maybe this saying from the late writer & blogger, Liz Armbruster, offers the answer: “I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child could bring.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.